By Johnny Askounis/ info@eurohoops.net
Back in 2023, Ricky Rubio paused his career to focus on his mental health. His decision went from sitting out the FIBA World Cup 2023 to eventually ending his NBA run after 12 years.
In an interview with La Sexta on Sunday, his discussion with Jordi Evole on the Lo de Evole show revisited that choice, arguably placed at the peak of his career, revealing suicidal thoughts.
“Just a very difficult thought, and I don’t want to magnify it at all, but one night I was in the hotel, I said, ‘I don’t want to continue, not with basketball anymore, with life’. I have a family, I have a son… but I thought about it for a second, feeling something taking control of me,” he said, “I can understand a lot of people, both those who are at the height of their success and have unfortunately taken their own lives, and normal people who say they can’t go on because there comes a moment when everything weighs so heavily on you.”
“I remember at the World Cup when I said ‘I’m done,’ it felt like I was dying and that my life had no meaning,” he continued, “I look at myself in the mirror and think, ‘Something’s not right’’ I spend three days with barely any sleep, having dark dreams. I asked for help as best I could, and that afternoon, when I had free time, my wife came to see me. I told her, ‘You have to help me pack.’ And she laughed and said, ‘Let’s go for a walk.’ But I told her, ‘I can’t pack, I can’t go, you have to help me’”
He also discussed dealing with impostor syndrome.
“One of the biggest successes we’ve had, especially as a team. Even though I won the MVP, I wasn’t euphoric about it because it wasn’t enough for me. And when I’m receiving the award, I say, ‘I’m such a fake, I don’t deserve this.’ Like in Space Jam, I felt like my powers were going to be taken away,” he referred to being named Most Valuable Player of the FIBA World Cup 2019, “I’ve had to go through the process of playing in the NBA and doing commercials to understand that I don’t want that, that more isn’t better. It’s a somewhat anti-capitalist message.”
“I’m putting an end to the idea that I’m a fake, once again. I want to feel like I have everything under control, but I don’t,” he added, “I feel like at 14, when I started, I had to follow a script. Who am I writing this for? For the boys and girls who are just starting to play, and for those who aren’t, and for the adults. They’re a mirror they look into. And we have to tell them the whole truth, not just the pretty one. Take good care of yourselves, especially mentally. The mind is very messed up, and you don’t know how it’s going to turn out, and you have to be prepared.”
“For me, nothing was ever enough,” Rubio further explained, “One of the mirrors I’ve looked at the most has been Pau Gasol, in terms of the level of achievements, and it seemed to me that I had to surpass his career.”
Following a break, he bounced back and played for FC Barcelona down the stretch of the 2023-24 season. During his interview, the 34-year-old point guard also talked about another return to action.
“I’d like to play basketball without being Ricky Rubio, but it’s impossible,” he said, “I want to play basketball, but I can’t. I’m trying my best to see if I can. The answer is becoming clearer and clearer. And what we know is that we don’t have all the answers. I don’t even know that.”